Grief is like a dam stopping the flow of love from you
Though death brings the body to an end, the soul lives on. Yet even knowing this, death never becomes something we feel at ease about. The feelings may be familiar, but they are never unreactive. Scripture tells us that Jesus is “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). These words remind us that grief is not distant from God’s heart. Christ carried the burden of our sins and hostility, and the weight of our sorrows. He knows what it feels like to be crushed, misunderstood, betrayed, and abandoned. Christ walked through pain and showed us how to overcome it. We cannot avoid the pains, sorrows, and griefs of this world: yet, God has given us grace to walk through them because we are never alone.
This is the paradox of Christian faith: we follow the Lord Who did not avoid suffering but entered into it fully. He is touched by grief and intimately acquainted with it. When our hearts break, and our tears fall, we are not left with empty words, rituals, or distant comfort. We are met by the Father Who sees and knows, Christ Who has wept and shared our griefs, and the Spirit Who still carries us when we cannot carry ourselves by infusing us with divine grace.
Why is grief so debilitating?
Grief is the love one can no longer give to the one their heart adores.
It is as if the flow of intimacy and affection becomes suddenly dammed because its recipient can no longer receive it. After all, we are created to give. Love that is dammed up without release breeds loneliness, despair, anger, numbness, or any combination of all.
Grief is not limited to the loss of a person in death. The loss of a marriage, a friendship, a job, or even a treasured vision or dream can all block the flow of love we were created to give.
So how do we unstop the dam and release the flow of love again?
John 7:38 NASB20
"The one who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'"
First, we remember. God has given us memory as a gift. In Scripture, the people of Israel built altars to remember His deliverance (Joshua 4:7). Likewise, when we remember, we honor both what was lost and the God who walks with us through loss. Journaling prayers, telling stories, help us acknowledge that love once flowed richly and still matters today.
Second, we engage honestly. Grief cannot heal if it is buried in silence. The Psalms teach us to cry out to God without filter. David prayed, “How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1). His honesty reminds us to bring our raw questions, tears, and even anger before the Lord. He already knows the depths of our hearts; He invites us to lay them bare so He can meet us there. Romans 8:26 promises that when we cannot find words, “the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
Third, we release. Grief is not only emotional; it is physical. Physical exhaustion after loss can be a marker of this. That’s why tears, sighs, or even trembling can be holy acts of release. Hannah poured out her soul in prayer before the Lord in the temple with stammering lips and tears (1 Samuel 1:15) that God answered. In the same way, tears, walking in creation, breathing deeply, or kneeling and lifting our hands in worship can all be ways to release grief to God. Our bodies animate our souls’ surrender, loosening what is locked away inside.
Finally, we redirect love forward. Paul wrote that God “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4). What feels dammed up inside of us can be poured into others — into service, community, friendship, or even the courage to dream again. We may never be the same again, yet we can let that love flow in new directions, just as a stream finds new ways to flow to bring life where it goes.
The dam is unstopped by remembering, honestly engaging with our pain, releasing it out of our bodies and into His hands, and finding new streams to let our love flow. And when the dam is unstopped, Jesus fulfills His own promise: “Whoever believes in Me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them” (John 7:38). Where grief once blocked, the Spirit creates new streams.
Prayer
Father, I come to You with the grief that has been stored in my heart, mind, and soul for a very long time. I’ve tried to “faith it away,” but it’s real, and I feel it. At times, it’s like a landmine — without warning, I am frozen or angered, only to realize it’s grief and not the situation before me. Father, help me unstop the blockage and release this pain to You. When the feelings are strong, let me run to You, knowing You are not afraid or intimidated by my hurts, wounds, doubts, and fears. I pour it out before You. See my heart, Father, and let me see Yours — the truth of Your unfailing love toward me. Though Christ, let it be so.
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